In recovery, the onslaught continued. Vitals checks, chaplain visits, and still waiting for hubby, who upon hearing the news had to get from the venue back to the hotel and pack up before embarking on the mind-numbing, four hour drive to us.
Baby B was busy fighting for her life with a whole team of nurses, who during her three month stay would filter through and tell me that they remembered the day she came in and how far she'd come. One day, I would finally ask how bad it really was and a nervous neonatologist said they were very concerned the first 72 hours. I had to state which funeral home I wanted to use and with all we had been through over the past year, I was all too familiar with our wonderfully helpful local director.
When there is this kind of loss, everyone wants to help, however, they can. To my dismay, most of them wanted to talk. They would push and prod and I was busy trying to hold it together for everyone around me. That and I still had school work to do all the while. The staff dressed Baby A and wrapped her in a blanket and brought her to me in a comfort cot. It was a bassinet with a cooling system under it, so I could keep her with me and hold her for as long as I wanted. I kept her in my room til the day I checked out. The bereavement specialist offered to do hand and foot castings, have a special volunteer photographer come, and even make special arrangements to allow big sister to come visit. I took her up on all of them. Anything I could do for my little girl, who was already gone.
The other thing people would keep doing throughout was implying I needed to be medicated. This is a sad experience and I am allowed to be sad about it. I am allowed to cry. I am allowed to be disappointed and angry and hurt. It will never go away, but I will never give up.
As you've read, Multifacet Mom is many, varied things. This is just one more unique part. After my time in the hospital, I would add "mom who has a child waiting for them in heaven" and "NICU mom" to my never-ending list.
Tonight, say an extra prayer for every mom who came home without their baby and see #prayersforbabyb for her miraculous struggle.
Rayna Moore -
© 2021 by Rayna Moore